"BEST JOKE" award winner in UK

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in Britain

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

I nstead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

I n return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Madhu feast 2009: another opportunity or obstacle for peace & reconciliation?

http://www.groundviews.org/2009/08/12/madhu-feast-2009-another-opportunity-or-obstacle-for-peace-and-reconciliation/#more-1335

“We used to live very close to the Madhu Shrine and we long to go and pray at the feat of Our Lady of Madhu as we used to. But we are prisoners in this camp, and not allowed to go out freely” is what a father of two children, the youngest of whom is an infant of about one month, told me, when I met the family at the Sirukkandal camp, in Mannar last week. This family is from Pandivirichan, the parish adjoining Madhu Shrine. Hundreds of Tamils, including infants, pregnant mothers are being detained in this camp, some for more than a year. Thousands more are detained in other camps situated in the Diocese of Mannar, where the Madhu Shrine is located.

I also heard of a plea by a Tamil family detained at Menik Far. The appeal was sent to the Bishop of Mannar. I’m not sure why the appeal was not made to the Government and security forces, who are the ones holding these peoples captive. Maybe because they have more faith in the Bishop than the government!

So far, I have not heard anything indicating that these families will be allowed to go the Madhu Shrine for the celebrations planned this week. But I still hope some arrangement will be made.

Our Lady of Madhu, Sinhalese or Tamil?

Madhu Shrine has always struck me as a venue that manifested peace and harmony amongst Sinhalese and Tamil Catholics, and perhaps even non Catholics. I have visited Madhu Shrine several times. As a young boy as far back as 1982 and as a more conscious adult a few years ago. I have vivid memories of services in both languages, including prayers, hymns and preaching. Sinhalese and Tamil, from the North and South, we had always prayed at the feet of Our Lady of Madhu together and even lived together, in the middle of the jungle with basic facilities, for several days.

I don’t think Our Lady of Madhu was ever seen as mother of Tamils or Sinhalese, or of Northerners or Southerners. She was simply mother to all who went to her in prayer and devotion.

But sadly, this time around, it appears that Our Lady of Madhu will not have the opportunity to have with her, a large number of Tamils from the North, as they remain detained by the Government, without any charges, simply because they happened to be Tamil, and they lived in the areas previously controlled by the LTTE.

A time for celebration or mourning?

It is difficult to imagine any mother celebrating her birthday, anniversary or any other occasion, or that of a child, while another child has died, is sick, injured or facing any other kind of misfortune.

It is difficult for me to imagine Our Lady of Madhu rejoicing at the celebration of her feast this August, when some of her children, mainly Tamils, are mourning their dead relatives, have lost their hands and legs, and are imprisoned in inhumane conditions without any charges for months and years.

In addition to being a sacred shrine for Tamil and Catholics alike, Our Lady of Madhu had played a special role in sheltering and caring for Tamil people affected by the war, be they Christian or Hindus. I have heard from UN and other international relief agencies that Madhu Shrine was one of the best run welfare centres during Sri Lanka’s almost three decade long war. The Madhu refuge was referred to as “Open Relief Centre” in the past, but today, close to Madhu are large camps that are are closed and sealed with barbed wire and access in and out is at the discretion of the Government and security forces, even for family members, media, aid workers, parliamentarians. Amongst those Tamils who want to go to Madhu, but will not be allowed, will be those who had sought refuge in the Madhu Shrine in the past and those from Madhu village and surrounding parishes of the Madhu Shrine.

Comments and questions posed to me last week by friends in the Mannar diocese, including priests and religious, made me recall the warning by the prophets such as Isaiah, Amos and Micah in the Old Testament in the Bible, that prayer, worship, offerings and festivals are unacceptable and meaningless to God “when hands are covered in blood” and what God demands is to help the oppressed and ensure justice. (Ref., Is 1:11-17, Amos 5:21-24, Micah 6:6-8) Jesus teaches us in no uncertain terms that Christians will be judged on how they treat the poor and oppressed “whenever you refused to help one of these least important ones, you refused to help me” (Mathew 25:35-45).

“How can we celebrate the Madhu feast? When so many of our people have been killed, injured, maimed, and forced to live in inhumane conditions, held captive against their will without any charges, and not allowed to go back to their families, villages, including those around Madhu shrine? When 6 Tamil Catholic priests continue to be detained, without any charges, perhaps for the crime of opting to stay back and serve their flock at the height of the war, in extremely difficult and dangerous circumstances?”

I couldn’t find an answer to these and other questions my friends raised, and I still search for answers. I could understand their pain and hurt. Particularly as I know the long held frustration and sadness of Northern Christians and Church leaders that Sinhalese Christians in the South, including Church leaders, often failed to raise their voices against injustices and suffering of Tamils, especially in the last few months of the war in 2009. And not easy to forget is the relative inaction and silence of Southern Sinhalese Catholics as Tamil priests and church workers in the North were killed, disappeared, injured, detained without charges and even churches providing refuge to people escaping violence were attacked.

Hand of friendship from the diocese of Mannar

But a part of me also was also telling that the Madhu feast could still be a stepping stone along a long road to rebuild relationships and reconcile Sinhalese and Tamils, at least Catholics.

Last week, I was in Arippu parish (all of them were displaced on 1^st Sept 2007 and were allowed to go back after 21 months in June 2009) in the Mannar diocese. I was touched when I heard that the Parish Priest and several parishioners had gone to Madhu to do shramadana, to clean up the Shrine area in preparations for the feast, even when their own houses, livelihoods and properties are in disarray, destroyed or looted and there is hardly any assistance to help them rebuild their lives.

I saw that the whole diocese of Mannar is involved in caring for tens of thousands of orphaned children, elderly, disabled, seriously injured men, women and children and separated families. Injured people are being hosted and being cared for in the Bishop’s House, parishes, hospitals and other institutions. The Mannar diocese is also involved in feeding and providing assistance tens of thousands of people now being detained in camps. Most of the people I talked to, including the Bishop, priests, religious seemed to have relatives killed, injured or detained. Despite all these, the diocese is doing their best to welcome all pilgrims, including Sinhalese from the South, to their diocese and the Madhu Shrine.

These hands of friendship that the Tamil Catholics in the Diocese of Mannar is extending towards all that want to come to Madhu this August, despite the pain they continue to bear and the overwhelming burdens they face, gave me hope that Madhu feast could still be significant step towards reconciliation.

Towards a meaningful Madhu feast

However, there will also have to be meaningful steps taken by others who are attached to Our Lady of Madhu, especially Sinhalese Catholics in the South.

The jubilations of flag raising, eating kiribath, paying homage to the military etc., was visibly absent in the diocese of Mannar and what I saw instead was grief, sadness and pain everywhere. As Sinhalese Catholics from the South go to our Our Lady of Madhu, I believe it is essential to be sensitive to this reality. Glorifying the war and those who caused untold suffering will not help towards reconciliation.

I’m aware that many people, Catholics as well as people of other faiths, have been collecting material aid for those now held captive in camps, and there have been many who have volunteered to serve those held captive in camps, those in hospitals and other locations. However, while such charity and generosity is much needed and appreciated, most of the people now held captive are not beggars, but rather, those who had lived dignified lives as farmers, fisherfolk, government servants, teachers etc. Many have friends and relatives willing to take care of them, in whose houses they will feel at home, and be comfortable, both mentally and physically.

Therefore, to me, the most meaningful way to celebrate the Madhu feast would be to at least now, raise our voices to free the Tamil civilians, who are so close, yet so far from the Madhu Shrine. So far because they are detained behind barbed wire and not allowed to go the few kilometers. And perhaps to raise our voices to find the truth of what happened in the last few months of the war and ensure justice, without letting the Madhu feast be used to hide the immense suffering and pains people in the North had to undergo and are still undergoing.

Will Sinhalese Catholics be content to celebrate the feast of Our Lady of Madhu on their own, or are we ready to try to do our utmost to ensure that our Tamil brothers and sisters now held captive are set free, and will be able to join us to celebrate the Madhu feast as children of Our Lady of Madhu?

Ruki

12^th August 2009

GCE (O/L) Practice English Examination
December - 2009

PART: ONE TIME: ONE HOUR PREPARED BY: MR M.FRANK

1. Read the following text carefully and fill in the blanks with correct words given below. (5 marks)
( the, by, on, an, few, in, seeing, up, for, out, )
On a Sunday morning after the Holy mass, some catholic boys planned to go …….a picnic. Before leaving they told the parish priest that they would keep …… touch with him on phone. They were sad that they were going to miss a …… days of the week in the parish activities. They set …… for their journey without …… guitar but with the Bible. On the way to their destination they ran into a beautiful girl passing on ……L-plate motorbike and also ran into a patch of thick fog just outside the village. The other day they called…… and conveyed that the police of the area had imposed a strict curfew …… a week.. They sent some messages over the phone that their movement was curtailed. They would be back ……Monday. They are so much looking forward to........him again.

2. Put the correct under-mentioned phrases in the spaces of the below dialogue. (5 marks)
(at Pubalasingam book depot , -Roshani for her birthday,
on Shakespeare, does it cost, to with the book)
a. Frank : Hi, what do you have in your hands?
b. Thomsan : It is a book …………………..
c. Frank : Where did you purchase this book?
d. Thomsan : I bought it……………………………...
e. Frank : How much……………….?
f. Thomsan : Only fifty rupees.
g. Frank : Where are you off……………………….?
h. Thomsan : I am going to present it to my friend…………………...

4. Read the following advertisement which appeared on Sunday Times news paper in Sri Lanka of 9th September 2006 and answer the questions that follow. (Please avoid short answer. (5 marks)
Vacancy Notice

We are looking for two skilled and well disciplined personnel for the project coordinators. Applications are invited for the positions at our office. Your applications must reach us by the ultimate Sunday of this month at the office address- 26, Justin Computer Institute, St. Thomas' Avenue, Munai, Point Pedro. S/He must have completed university studies. Having a diploma in web designing and internet and e-mail is most desirable. Fluency in three major languages of the country is a must. S/He should have the ability to work with other members of the staff. The interview will take place in our main hall on 28th (Thursday) of the month. The management will select the best candidates for the jobs.

1. Where is the interview going to take place?
2. What is the last date for complying?
3. How many vacancies are there in the Institute?
4. Who can apply for these posts?
5. Write the synonyms to the words- select, position, complete, ultimate

5. Janath Ragavan likes to apply to the above position. His detailed information is given
here below. (5marks)

Write the suitable curriculum vitae.

He who lives at St Lourdes' Lane, Thumpalai, Point Pedro, Sri Lanka was born to a singhala parents in 1974-11-11. He sends messages to his friends through his e-mail- Janathr@gmail.com. He has successfully completed the O/L with 4Ds and 4Cs -English-D, Maths-D, Tamil-D, Christianity-D, Science-C, Social Studies- C, Commerce-C, Music-c in 1990 and the A/L with 3A and B- Christianity-A Philosophy-A ,Economics-A, Logic-B in 1993. Then he finished his philosophy degree in English medium at Jaffna University. He is a famous player in his village cricket and football teams. His only son is studying at Patrick's college. He has a sound knowledge in English and can speak Tamil. He has a diploma in internet technology. He worked at Caritas as a field staff from 1999-2004 and since then is a field coordinator at World Vision up to now. He is well known to Rev.Fr Iruthayathas, The parish Priest of Point Pedro.

6. Make an appropriate word to fill the blank from the given word in bracket. (5 marks)

a. Saul and David have broken the …………..between them. (agree)
b. The prices for goods in Jaffna are …………..high. (exorbitant)
c. Anna was a famous…………. in her youth. (Beautifully)
d. The flood brought a ……………..destruction to her belongings. (completely)
e. Daniel is ………. to anger.(swiftly)

7. A devotee has come by a small wallet on your feast day. He asked the person who has lost it to write a notice to put up on the church notice board. Imagine you are the one lost it. Spell out the notice (5 marks)
You can use the followings: Who are you
Where you live
When and where you lost it
Description of the wallet
Things in it

8. Write a paragraph about a one legged abandoned father who lives in the inn of St. Mary's
Church. (5marks)

You can elaborate the phrases - his name and age, why he lives there, what has happened to his leg, how he finds his meals, how can you help him,


God helps those who help themselves. Have a nice examination
GCE (O/L) Practice English Examination
December - 2009

PART: TWO TIME: TWO HOURS PREPARED BY: MR M.FRANK

9. Fit the blank with the correct proposition. The first one is done for you. (5 marks)
(away, over, up, of, out off, in, into, at, away, by)

a. Women take care of their children.
b. The children grow…… with many problems.
c. Some children drop…… of school, others take drugs and often involved with gangs
d. Recently the inundation swept ………many people in Negombo.
e. Herod saw that a smuggler running……. him with a knife in the darkness.
f. Jesus and Peter went to talk……. their problems in a confidential place.
g. Every student should learn to put ……. the books in the shelf after finishing reading.
h. Zechariah met with an accident and the doctor took ……..his legs.
i. Judas generally tries to take …….a show when he is in England.
j. Mary Magdalene broke her looking glass ………..pieces.
k. Elizabeth asked me "could you call …….on your way home."

10. Read the following text and underline the correct word where necessary. (5 marks)

A priest …… (is waking, has woken, woke) up at 4.30a.m and got into his chapel to pray to God for his flocks. Every day he …… (was covering, covers, will cover,) two miles along the beach. One day he noticed a note on the door as he …… (arrives, must arrive, arrived) at his parish house. It was addressed to…… (me, him, his) name. There is a verse saying that he …….( was wanted, wants, ought to want)to deliver an erudite speech in the meeting. He started ……..( preparing, is preparing ,was preparing) his talk. As the day.......(gone, is going, went) on the weather got worse. On that day a deluge started falling. A leper got drenched not only with rain but also wet with tears came to him complaining that the people did not allow him to enter ……(in , to, into) the church. After solving the problem the priest set off to the meeting. On the way, he …….(was blocked, was blocking, blocked) by the armed forces. After a heavy convoy had passed he………..(is reaching, reached, has to reached ) his destination. He ……….(delivered, was delivered, is able to delivered) an eloquent speech on "Antagonism" at the meeting. The crowd appreciated him and said that he could give more speeches in their meetings

11. Write a composition by using the under-mentioned notes. (5 marks)
Mr Steve Heathstrick- born May 1970 25 day in hospital
Graduated from the Oxford University At 32 he retire from sports
Good cricketer Go around the world
As he go shopping Collect money for the victims of AIDS
Meet with an accident and break his arm By singing songs in the stage beautifully

12. Read the following text and answer the questions that follow. (10 marks)

Nowadays there is a Sony television set in almost every house. You can choose between as many as 50 different channels. All show only a single type of programme- news, sports, dramas, music, movies and quiz competition. A recent survey showed that the average person spends three hours a day watching TV around the world but in Asia 5 hours. In Sri Lanka especially in Jaffna, the housewives/women spend 6 hours in front of TV with a bit of relaxation. Getting the children away from the TV to do their homework is the major problem for some families.
Women also spend most of their times vainly in watching dramas- Ananththam, Salanam, Kanmani, Kanavarukkaka, Kolankal, and Malarkal. The previous day after supper my mum-Z.Sageeththa watched some stupid dramas, so she made me to give a glass of milk to my dad- T.Zaheerhan. He was in a really gloomy mood and with a feeling of drowsiness. Suddenly he cried out loud at me for I had spilt a few drops of milk on the book- The Coral Island which he was reading. I slid out of the back door without my parents being aware. I decided to see Mr James-my boy friend, who was at the church at that moment and who takes after my brother. His eyes and face were bright with excitement. "Why are you so cheerful today?" I asked him. But he without rejoining kissed on both cheeks and cuddled me to his chest. I never like my parents to be around us. He does have a similar idea. While talking both of (us) we felt sleepiness.
After a short while my parents started seeking me. They were unable to find me. Then they got into a scrap. It was carrying on for more than half an hour. They have not talked for some hours. At length they found out that watching TV without vegging out is the root cause for the quarrel.
a. What kind of TV set is there in almost every house?
b. List the programmes the television shows?
c. How long does a woman waste her time in front of the TV?
d. What are the dramas they telecast?
e. How did the daughter slip out of her house?
f. Name the book which her father was reading?
g. Why did her father get angry?
h. With whom she fell in love?
i. What is the cause for the quarrel?
j. Find out the synonyms for the words - "quarrel, sleepiness, similar," and
antonym for "bright" in the given text.

13. Write on one of the followings to your school magazine. Use about 100 words. (you can use more than 100 words for last the two) (10 marks)
" The environment you live in. or Stray dogs in your area.
" Complete the story- It was already dark when we set out for the next town-Delft on our maiden voyage. We were five in our bark....
" Imagine you are the secretary of your C.S association. You are planning to conduct a Christmas Oli Vizha. Prepare a programme agenda (with the time frame). you can include the following.( when and where it takes place, who will light the lamp, who is the chief guest, on what topic he will deliver his speech, what are the special events, who will receive prizes and for what, who will say the vote of thanks, when it adjourns).
14. Match A with B. (5 marks)
A B
a. A carpenter 1) with a patient
b. A priest 2) with a bag
c. A beggar 3) with a chisel
d. A doctor 4) with many goods
e. A business man 5) with a rosary

15. Write on one of the followings. Use about 100 words. (10 marks)
A bad family lives next door to you. Every day the husband and his spouse quarrel between them. They use filthy and abusive words as loudly as they can. They also put some loud music on their tape. You can't concentrate on your studies. Write a letter to the Divisional Secretary of your area.

16. Write on one of the followings. Use about 200 words. (10 marks)
- The flood that struck your area recently.
- Land mines
- Teenage
God helps those who help themselves. Have a nice examination